"We Need To Talk"

SATURN IN THE 8TH HOUSE
The strict and no-nonsense planet, Saturn, is drifting across the House of Regeneration and Change at the moment. It may be that we're going to see former boundaries shifted to make room for new endeavors. Or perhaps something that was once permissible is no longer within the realm of proper behavior. It's time to assess your own boundaries and limits and where you stand with others. Perhaps there's a conversation coming up with those close to you to redefine the parameters of the relationship.

Speaking of such conversations, I've come to the conclusion that there is no more frightening opening to a conversation than four little words: "We need to talk." Or some variation thereof. Be it from a lover, a friend, a parent, a sibling, a teacher...those four words can set your heart racing. Your brain immediately begins conjuring up all possible topics of conversation and they're rarely positive ones, right? Why might this person be upset with me? What have I done recently to anger someone? Is there someone else involved? Where will this lead? Is this going to change the whole relationship? Is it going to be awkward after this? And so on. The mind just trips over the multitude of potential sources for this pending discussion.

The worst, of course, is when it's soemthing postponed. You're lucky if you get the, "We need to talk" immediately followed by the dreaded discussion. There's less time to panic. More often than not, though, there's a wait period. The words are said, and of course, you respond with something like, "Um, okay. Let's talk." To which, they respond, "No, not right now. We'll talk later." This further compounds the disaster initiated by the "We have to talk." Now, your brain has plenty of time to review scenarios. You've started to develop possible topics and the manner of conversation that will cover those topics. You're planning your responses in advance. You're ready.

And usually, it's nothing serious. After all, this person is in your life for a reason, right? They want you to succeed. They're supporting you. So, usually, it's nothing more than a, "Hey, is it okay if a friend stays at our place on Friday night?" or possibly a, "You didn't take out the trash." Something completely innocuous that would have never been cause for alarm if not set up with the introduction of doom.

I can only suggest that people use this phrase sparingly and with sensitivity. One can hope that as Saturn imposes its restricting influence on the House of Change, and boundaries shift, that most discussions do not begin with "We need to talk."

Getting Reacquainted

SUN IN LIBRA
The sun has just entered the seventh sign of the zodiac, Libra, sign of balance, harmony, and relationships. Libra is currently sitting in the 7th House, the House of Partnerships. We should see a deliberate shift of focus from the quotidian minutae of Virgo to the more social, outgoing nature of our connection-centric selves.

It has been nigh a month since I last wrote and apologize for that. Things have been quite busy, not the least because of Mercury's decision to travel retrograde. Still, Libra brings relationships and balance to the forefront, so I return to connect with my readers.

A focus on relationships doesn't necessarily mean romance. And with Mercury in retrograde, there's high possibility for miscommunication and misunderstandings. Still, in examining our relationships, it's important to take a look at what benefits each of us in our connections with others, be they friends, family, or even foe. Yes, believe it or not, you have a strong relationships with your enemies too; consider the emotion involved. It's the acquaintances you have to examine in depth, since they are the ones you don't have such a deep emotional involvement with!

Sun-in-Libra is an special time for me because my natal sun is in Libra, meaning my birthday is coming up. Yes, I am a Libra; I admit it! I am charming, shallow, vain, and relationship conscious. We just can't help it. One of the hardest things for most Libras to deal with (besides making a decision) is handling the anger or depression of others with regard to them. Libras are a balance-oriented breed and the thought that someone could be upset with us is highly disturbing. We don't like to fight or argue and unless there's a strong water or earth streak in the chart, we don't hold grudges very well. The only time a Libra will come out swinging is if there is a question of fairness. We are sticklers for fair treatment - it comes from being able to see both sides of the story, which is a curse and a blessing.

Recent events have brought to my awareness the way that different people deal with issues of injustice, unfairness, and hurt. I have many friends who are able to close a door. Some of them slam it shut. Do not get on their bad side for you will never recover from it. They encourage others to do the same, seeing former friends who have hurt them as a cancerous element of society that they prefer to cut out. With the power of "defriending" someone on Facebook, there's an added way to make the point.

Others are more willing to forgive. My parents taught me that in every relationship, you start out with 100% trust. Once that trust is broken, you go down to 0% and you have to work your way back up. I've adopted this theory because I like to believe that people are basically good. They have their faults, of course. Everyone has their baggage. It's whether we can handle the baggage that matters. I want to be a forgiving person who understands that people make mistakes, but there comes a point where you have to recognize that no matter how much you may understand their side of the story, you still ended up hurt. Self-preservation has to play a part at some point, doesn't it?

One of my friends subscribes to the adage, "Forgive, but don't forget." This is becoming increasingly sensible as I watch the events around me. I'm studying to be an educator, after all. Understand that people make mistakes. Know that they will. Expect it. Students are encouraged to try and not be afraid of failure. Intention should count for something, even though the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Still, if something is not meant to be malicious, I can usually understand it. Even so, learn from it. Don't forget. Forgetting dooms the victim to repetition. Learn and be guarded next time. Go into things with eyes open. "Forgive, but don't forget," seems to embody the balance required by a Libran Sun. We must remember that people are not always out to get us, that they might see things in a different way and it can be misconstrued, that they are acting on their behalf - then so must we. Learn from the situation, and move forward.

The sun continues to shine and there are more relationships to be explored.

Happy Equinox!

Wedded Bliss

SUN IN LEO
The basic planet of warmth is in its ruled sign, Leo, the sign of drama and creativity. This is when the bombasticism of life comes out in spades and people show their more domineering and aggressive sides. This is also when we see the more entertaining elements of life come to the forefront. Additionally, the sun is in the 7th House, the house of partnerships. Creativity and dramatics abound in our relationships such that we might see flare ups and passionate resolutions.

This past weekend, I attended my third wedding of this year. (There are seven in total. Hmmm, seven weddings, 7th house is the house of partnerships...and 2009=2 numerologically. Gotta love synchronicity.) This wedding was slightly different from the others. Well, all weddings are different, of course, but this had an added element of being my first lesbian wedding. Not only that, but an interfaith wedding on top of that - Jewish/Christian. Strangely enough, that seems to be a theme this year. Third wedding, and all three so far have been Jewish/Christian weddings. However, where the first two were Jewish/Italian, this one was Jewish/German.

It was a beautiful ceremony and very much tailored to the interests of the brides. It took place in a synagogue (somewhere I haven't been in forever), under a homemade chuppah. The chuppah was created through the efforts of friends. Each guest was given a square of fabric to design in any way that they saw fit (within reason, of course) and they were sewn together to create the chuppah. The music was chosen by the brides and it was untraditional and very poignant. I don't think I've cried so much at a ceremony in my life. (Yeah, I'm sensitive.) They kept my favorite Jewish tradition: the breaking of the glass at the end. My favorite explanation of this tradition is that love will last as long as it takes to put the myriad of pieces back together.

There was another cup used in the ceremony: the German wedding cup. Here is the tale as written in the program:

Legend says a young noblewoman fell in love with a goldsmith. Her father, who did not approve of the marriage, made the following proposal: "If your goldsmith can make a chalice from which two people can drink at the same time without spilling one single drop, you may marry him." Inspired by love and with skillful hands, the young goldsmith created a masterpiece which owon his beloved's hand in marriage.

The German wedding cup that the brides used was also used for the wedding of the brother of one bride. It was a lovely tradition that connected the family to the ceremony. While the brides were the focus of the wedding, of course, they made sure their friends and family shared a large part of the day. We all felt included in this public declaration of love. It was unique and powerful and I am happy to have been a part of it.

More weddings to come.

A Matter Of Trust

SUN AND GEMINI IN CANCER
As these two planets traverse the sign of nurturing and home (Cancer), we'll see a lot more communication with our "home" groups, whether that be family, friends, coworkers, etc. We turn especially to the mother figures in our lives to find a trusting soul who understand us.

This week, I began my class in Child Development. Stop groaning; it's actually fairly interesting, especially to me since I originally went to school for psychology. For those of you who were just tempted to stop reading, consider that each of you was a child at one point and this applies to you. I'm also highly intrigued by this subject because of the psychological aspect of astrology. From the first day of class, the comparison between these two subjects was setting off bells inside of my brain. The teacher, on the first day, asked us to think about the question, "Who am I?" as we read the eight stages of development by Erickson. (If you're unfamiliar with Erickson, do not fret.) Who am I? There are so many ways to answer that question, including, on an astrological level, Libra sun, Pisces moon, and Gemini rising. I'm also a firstborn and the only boy among four grandchildren.

However, this question was asked in specific respect to Erickson's article. Erickson defines the development of the human being as a series of crises. The first crisis (and I'm sure I will be working through each of them here over the course of the...well, course) occurs between a person's birth and 18 months of age. The crisis is called trust vs. mistrust. It's when we either learn to trust the world around us or we learn to to distrust it. Who is to blame for all of this? Why, our parents, of course. If they are inconsistent in their ministrations to us as babies, we do not develop that sense of trust that we so desperately need throughout life. Without this, we will be unable to to form relationships or even know that there are things we can depend upon.

That's an awful lot of pressure to put on a new parent! Fortunately, there are ways to overcome this crisis, should we fail to develop the proper sense of trust. Therapists love this, of course. Babies must feel that they will be taken care of. There is no better sign for this than the nurturing sign of Cancer, the sign of the mother. Additionally, it's probable that a strong Piscean influence will produce a desire to escape, which Erickson may say stems from the infant's learned mistrust. While I am fairly certain that my teacher will not accept a strong planet in Cancer as a compensation or a Piscean excuse, I have to admit to strong curiosity regarding these stages and what other influences may be involved, and not just the astrological ones.

My teacher, so far, seems pretty hardcore about the Ericksonian developments, but then, I suppose it's her job. I certainly enjoy having a professor who is passionate about her subject. I am not likely to broach the star route in class, but I will certainly be keeping track of any parallels between them.

On a personal note (as if there isn't a part of this blog that isn't personal), I do not think that trust vs. mistrust is a crisis that I have carried on. I believe my parents did a very nice job helping me to trust the world around me. I learned my mistrust later, but not from them (or maybe it's my moon in Pisces influence).

And so the Erickson blogs are in their infancy. You can trust me on that.

The Dating Game

VENUS IN THE 4TH HOUSE
Venus is traveling through the 4th House, the house of belonging. Venus is the sign of sociability, and now is a period of figuring out where we fit in on a social level. Sometimes, it's not what we expected and this may be a connection to childhood because of the Arien influence.

Dating is such an odd world. It falls within the realm of love and that's never a logical area in life. It's all shaky ground. We do all we can to make the best impression possible. We watch what we say. We choose our outfits with utmost care. We check to see if someone has texted us. We ask all of our friends their opinions. We review the entire conversation in our head and we sit and analyze every word that was said. And heaven forbid we ever check the status on Facebook or Twitter. So much can be communicated without the intention to communicate. And then, on top of that, how long should we wait to contact them? Should we make the first move? So many questions.

Oh, wait. Is this just me? Did I just admit to complete neuroticism? Oh, come on, you must have known I was slightly crazy after reading all of the other posts. You have been reading the other posts, haven't you? Well, if I'm ever going to show true quirks, it's certainly in the dating world. I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets a little nuts about dating. It's such a murky part of life.

Let's add to this mass confusion the wonderful element of league. "S/He's out of my league," people say. Who created these leagues? What makes someone part of one league or another? Did we develop a dating caste system. Are there untouchables? Though I find it hard to believe that the lines are so strictly set, I've stated that someone was out of my league on more than one occasion only to have my friends turn around and smack me. "Oh, please. You're a catch." A catch for whom? How odd to equate dating with fishing. Then again, there are plenty of fish in the sea, right? And we talk about the man that got away. Perhaps the league that we're referring to is one of the 20,000.

The varieties among people are so vast and there are already odd strictures placed upon romantic entanglements, such as religion, race, age, sexual orientation. Must we place yet another restriction on love? League? Such a ludicrous notion to think that we can only work with someone on our "level," especially when there is no set definition of what that is. There are so many hierarchies already in place in life. Let the heart speak for what it wants.

If you think you're out of my league, go fish.