"We Need To Talk"

SATURN IN THE 8TH HOUSE
The strict and no-nonsense planet, Saturn, is drifting across the House of Regeneration and Change at the moment. It may be that we're going to see former boundaries shifted to make room for new endeavors. Or perhaps something that was once permissible is no longer within the realm of proper behavior. It's time to assess your own boundaries and limits and where you stand with others. Perhaps there's a conversation coming up with those close to you to redefine the parameters of the relationship.

Speaking of such conversations, I've come to the conclusion that there is no more frightening opening to a conversation than four little words: "We need to talk." Or some variation thereof. Be it from a lover, a friend, a parent, a sibling, a teacher...those four words can set your heart racing. Your brain immediately begins conjuring up all possible topics of conversation and they're rarely positive ones, right? Why might this person be upset with me? What have I done recently to anger someone? Is there someone else involved? Where will this lead? Is this going to change the whole relationship? Is it going to be awkward after this? And so on. The mind just trips over the multitude of potential sources for this pending discussion.

The worst, of course, is when it's soemthing postponed. You're lucky if you get the, "We need to talk" immediately followed by the dreaded discussion. There's less time to panic. More often than not, though, there's a wait period. The words are said, and of course, you respond with something like, "Um, okay. Let's talk." To which, they respond, "No, not right now. We'll talk later." This further compounds the disaster initiated by the "We have to talk." Now, your brain has plenty of time to review scenarios. You've started to develop possible topics and the manner of conversation that will cover those topics. You're planning your responses in advance. You're ready.

And usually, it's nothing serious. After all, this person is in your life for a reason, right? They want you to succeed. They're supporting you. So, usually, it's nothing more than a, "Hey, is it okay if a friend stays at our place on Friday night?" or possibly a, "You didn't take out the trash." Something completely innocuous that would have never been cause for alarm if not set up with the introduction of doom.

I can only suggest that people use this phrase sparingly and with sensitivity. One can hope that as Saturn imposes its restricting influence on the House of Change, and boundaries shift, that most discussions do not begin with "We need to talk."

Family Matters

LEO IN THE 4TH HOUSE
Leo, the classic sign of drama and creativity, is nestled in the 4th House, the house of home and the mother. It's very likely that we're going to see some interesting happenings from our home lives and especially from the matriarchs. This is also a perfect time to reconnect with parents and/or children. Perhaps there will be some spats, but in the end, the bond between family members is stronger than the insanity caused.


Family is a tumultuous topic and defined in many different ways. There is a unique breed of insanity that's deeply integrated with the familial unit. No one can drive you crazy better than the people who you grew up with. They know your ins and outs. They know what buttons to push, what phrases to use, and can predict outcomes based on mood swings. These are also the people who are there for you when you need comfort, support, or a laugh. They're not necessarily parents or siblings, aunts or uncles, grandparents or cousins, although they may include these roles.

Some define family by blood. "Blood is thicker than water." Quite the scientific assessment. Others by bond. "Friends are the family you choose." I think it's very much the bond. After all, the word family has the same root as familiar, and after all, shouldn't your family be the people who are familiar with you? That's why some people refer to close friends of the family as "Aunt" or "Uncle." Also why we say that some people are more than friends; they're family. We surround ourselves with family, whether we realize it or not.

Introducing a new person into the family can be a trying and nerve-wracking situation for all involved. The irony, of course, is that everyone wants it to work out. Everyone hopes that the group gets along with the new person, especially if there is romantic interest from a member of the group. There are so many questions of when and where and how to introduce the new member and if it should be done with everyone present or just on an individual basis. I think it depends on the family. Some people are better off meeting everyone at once and just ripping the band-aid off. Others prefer to wade in the shallow end before diving in. It's all about the dynamic and the member of the family who is doing the introducing should make the best call with that as they know both parties well. Basically, what everyone's hoping is that the new person's style of crazy gels with their own. That's really what it boils down to.

There's going to be drama no matter what. You just have to find the group that accepts your drama and has drama that you can handle. We put up with a lot for our families, but in the end, they're worth it. Look around you. Who's your family?

Everyday Tracking Devices

JUPITER IN AQUARIUS
Jupiter, the planet of expansion and travel is sitting in Aquarius, the sign of originality and eccentricity. This will reveal itself in a series of new innovations, especially in the technological world and the world of travel. Perhaps will see new advances in travel technology itself.

One such advance that I just became aware of is the Loopt application on cell phones. No, I'm not paid to promote it, as you'll discover as you continue to read. Just stay with me for a moment. I saw a commercial for this application and, curious to learn more, I sought out information on the website. Loopt allows the user to find out where their friends are and what they're doing. What a cool idea. Instead of calling your friends to find out where they are, you can just look on your phone and find them easily, along with directions to get there. It's perfect for the friend on the go.

Or the stalker. Am I the only one who finds this terrifying? Granted, I'm all for the cell phones and I love technological advances that make our lives more convenient, but goodness, this seems to be crossing a line. After all, not so long ago, you had to wait until you got home to find out if someone had called. Nowadays, you're not just a Luddite if you don't have a cell phone; it's unthinkable. You're beyond passe. Many can't believe that someone can survive without a cell phone. In fact, I can't imagine what I would do if I didn't have a cell phone, but I do remember a time when I didn't have one. I didn't get my cell phone until my junior year of college. Even now, I don't have a phone that allows apps.

The idea that we could be reached at any given moment almost makes the supposed convenience and inconvenience. Fortunately, right now, you can ignore a phone call, especially with caller ID. Imagine if someone that you're not particularly interested in speaking to not only can call, but can show up to wherever you are without prior notice. And let's consider the possibility with ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriends or someone who is interested in you, but it's not reciprocal. Let's just add that into the mix. They can find you no matter where you are.

There is something to be said for being unreachable. Pack animals though we may be, we do not need to know where each member of the pack is at every moment of the day. Haven't we seen enough scifi or action movies where they put a tracker on someone? They always attempt to get rid of it immediately. Now, we're offering the exact same thing to anyone who wishes to have it (and can afford it)? I find that a frightening prospect.

Say what you will. I like being off-radar.

Food For Thought

MERCURY IN TAURUS
Mercury, planet of the mind, is moving through the sign of food and sustenance, Taurus, which currently sits in the 6th House, the house of health. A focus on what we eat will take precedence in our mentalities. Now might be a great time to do a food journal. See what you're eating.

That's for those of you who are eating. Seems like there aren't a lot of people who eat on a regular basis. I have many friends who have said to me, "Oh, I totally forgot to eat today." Or, "This is the first time (6pm) that I've eaten since this morning." What? As a Jewish mother in a male body, it's my right as the friend to reprimand them for this, right? Especially when I can't seem to stop eating. Apparently, I'm eating for numerous friends.

Did I miss a memo? Is there a hunger strike that I haven't been informed of? On a side note, isn't "hunger strike" a misnomer? Wouldn't that term indicate that someone has stopped fasting?

I don't think I could fast for days on end (besides the physical element of it). "Fasting" is another misnomer, isn't it? Time never passes so slowly as when you're not eating on purpose.

The point is, you have to eat, people! Haven't there been numerous articles advocating frequent meals with small portions? Granted, I'm still working on the small portions. We all skip a meal now and then, but to make it a lifestyle is bordering on dangerous. It wouldn't register so strongly on my radar if it weren't so prominent among my friends. Look, folks, I said I would call and make sure you're eating (great, I've turned into my grandmother), but instead, I'm blogging about it.

Regardless of your reasons, not eating is going to cause reactions beyond this blog that you're not going to want. Your body will let you know that it needs food and believe me, that's not a level you want to reach. There comes a point where your body just crashes. I speak from experience and it's terrifying. Food is an important part of life and it's supposed to be enjoyed.

Chew on that.

Imaginary Belonging

NEPTUNE IN AQUARIUS
Neptune, the planet of illusion, is sitting in Aquarius, sign of friends, in the 7th House, house of social interactions and partnerships. This combination will show an increase in the social world. People will be more open, idealistic, and presenting an image to those that they meet of friendliness.

Fantasy and illusion are powerful motivations in life (see: Fantasy vs. Reality). When it comes to friends, there is one friend that never seems to let you down: the imaginary friend. They're always there for you. They listen when you want them to. They give you advice when you need it. They allow escape for those who don't have other outlets.

For a society that praises individuality and originality, we certainly place strong emphasis on what we have in common with each other. Humans have a deep need to belong. When we don't have a group that makes us feel welcome, we tend to create one. It's a vital part of our survival, derived from our animalistic natures. Wolves run in packs, deer in herds, bees in hives, etc. Yes, we're animals; don't rip my throat out about it.

This seems to be the reason for label creation. While we all profess a hatred of labels, we cling to them because it allows us to belong to a group. Christian, gay, female, Asian-American, senior citizen, student, smart, etc. We are a society that loves to categorize and compartmentalize. It helps us sort out the chaos that is human interaction. We understand people better when we can put them into a box in our minds. Of course, we all belong to different boxes throughout our lives. They're even on the forms that we sign throughout our lives. And it started back in elementary school, didn't it? "Do you like me? Check a box." We love our labels. Else, why would people buy such hideous clothing at such horrendous prices? The label! (Okay, not all expensive clothing is horrible, but you must admit, there are some gauche pieces out there that are worn purely for the label.)

Labels are comforting. They tell us that we're not alone. Others have shared our experiences and have survived. So can we. They had similar concerns. They had similar hopes. Similar dreams. And we can learn from them. It's a powerful motivator for those who feel like they have nowhere else to turn. Of course, some never find their place of belonging and will always turn to the imaginary friend.

Remember: you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Memories...

SUN/MOON OPPOSITION
When the full moon rises, it rises in the sign opposite of the residence of the sun. In this case, the sun is in Taurus while the moon is in Scorpio. This opposition shows odd contrast between the two influences. The focus on money and possessions with intense emotionality. The sun, a traditionally masculine association, sitting in the 10th House, the house of ambition and career. The moon, a traditionally female association, resting in the 4th House, the house of belonging and home. Working hard for a living to earn those things that remind us of our own experiences.

Nostalgia, anyone? This combination of possessions of emotions brings about a sentimentality that's natural for any packrat. Keeping items of no value because they take us back to experiences that we enjoyed and want to remember. Why is it easier for some people to close the door and others cling to the familiar? I, myself, am a notorious packrat. I've had to do thorough cleansings often and what I consider thorough, many would say is average. Cards, stuffed animals (don't judge), clothing, papers, playbills (far too many of these), etc. There are so many items that remind me of wonderful moments. Scrapbooking is a pasttime that I took up at one point, but with Facebook and Photobucket, it seems to make this pasttime a thing of the past.

Especially since this is the perfect time for spring cleaning, how do we decide which are the items that must be disposed of? While sentimentality is a vital part of life, at some point, you have to draw the line (unless you have unlimited storage space). Does this apply to other aspects of our lives? Is it time to clean out your buddy list and get rid of the people that you don't talk to? What about all the Facebook "friends" that are there to boost numbers?

Perhaps now is the time to go back over the things that make us remember the good times in our lives. Indulge your nostalgia. Just remember that there's always a cleanse just around the corner.

For now, happy memories.

Sarcastic Sting

FULL MOON IN SCORPIO
The moon is waxing full in the intense sign of Scorpio. Talk about a strong emotional time. Hidden sides are going to be very vulnerable right now and there's going to be an insistence upon being right. With such ferocity of emotions running rampant, it may be good to pull back a bit and examine intentions instead of merely reacting. Otherwise, we're going see a lot of sulking and brooding going on.

Arguments happen. We're not really going to go through life with everything harmonious all the time. There's always gonna be someone who comes along to screw it up. Strangely, that person may be the person we need in our lives to shake things up. After all, if no one every shook things up, we'd still believe the Earth was flat and the center of the universe. It's important to challenge, but when does the argument become unhealthy? We have words for healthy arguments: debates. It's a vital part of the American culture; it's integral to the election process. People form a lot of opinions based on presidential and vice-presidential debates. The ability to take your opponent's words and throw them back in his teeth. What a joy that is!

In our everyday lives, however, there's not a moderator sitting there telling us how much time we have left or whether something is out of line. Depending on the person you're "debating" with, certain things may be more permissible than others. A friend said to me the other day about a work situation, "I can't believe you backed down from that. The Jared I know would never have done that." Yes, but I was in my place of employment. I wouldn't argue with my supervisors in the same way that I would argue with my friends, of course. I try to respectful in all of my conversations (see Tact: A Lost Art), but sometimes, you get so heated, you just want to lash out. And people do this in different ways.

Some people choose to scream and yell, choosing volume to make their point. This is a common use of power. Louder=stronger. However, others choose to get very quiet and you have to strain to hear them. There is also incredible power in this because if forces the other person to pay attention if they want to have a decent rebuttal. I've taken classes with boisterous teachers and the moment they got quiet, you knew you were in danger. Some people choose to walk away, cool off, and return when they feel they can control themselves. Others snap into robotic-like logic. These people can be extremely frustrating for the emotional types because they want the other person to get upset and there's no reaction.

One particular favorite of many is sarcasm. While tact may be a lost art, sarcasm seems to be new Rosetta Stone for communication. I see it everywhere,; it restaurants, in classrooms, at work, in the home, in the media, etc. Swine flu should sit up and take a lesson if it wants to be a pandemic. And there seem to be so many different kinds: the zinger, the dry wit, the jokester, the apologetic, the comfort (yup, I've seen it). It's all in the tone and depends on the personality of the person or persons involved. Call it a stereotype, but I believe that the gay male is the most accepted user of sarcasm because I believe that people have come to expect it. A straight male using it is an asshole and a woman is a bitch. For some reason, gay men are expected to be pithy.

When I worked as a waiter, I heard many comments out of the mouths of other waiters to the customers and some of them were borderline rude. They never emerged from the mouths of the females, but they didn't have to. The girls flirted outrageously. And who could blame them? Their male counterparts were also excellent flirts, but many of the gay males were quick to combine flirting with witty humor that undercut their charm. The difference in tips was nil. It was amazing to hear someone slice down a customer only to receive a 20% tip. Why? I believe it's because sarcasm is expected in our society and especially from gay men. They're portrayed as such on TV and of course life mirrors art (or is it the other way around?).

Still, the sarcastic sting is best used in moderation, especially now. A relationship purely built on this kind of interchange becomes mired in that miasmic routine. It's important to have those fun, lighter moments. Fluffy as they are, without the care bear moments, that's a very hard relationship to build upon. And building is half the fun.

Take small breaks from the sarcasm. You'll be fully glad you did.

Friend-Lies

NEPTUNE IN AQUARIUS
Planet of illusion in the sign of hopes and wishes. Now is a time to explore our ideals and aspirations. Applying the wishes our of lives to reality and making the different choices that will lead us past our illusions. This is a very hopeful time in our lives, something we definitely need with the harsh realities of today. It's also a time to explore the illusions surrounding our friendships and discovering why we became friends with certain people in the first place.

Born under the sign of Aquarius? Find out what that means here.

Before beginning today's discussion, I want to let everyone know that I have joined the May Blogathon, started by Michelle Rafter. I pledge to blog every day!

What draws us towards certain people vs others? Why do we seek out friendships with specific people? It seems that we look for people who have similar ideas and ideals to ours. We tend to measure intelligence this way. The more someone agrees with us, the more intelligent they seem to be in our eyes, right? It's interesting the way we make that a measure of intelligence. Not always, of course. There is an objective measure of intelligence, which we call an IQ test, but less and less faith is being placed in this test. Common interests and views play a large part in who we choose to associate with.

One of the major commonalities that may be an unconscious choice is birth order. There are numerous books on birth order, one of which is written by Kevin Leman. After reading this book, I looked around at most of my friends and guess what? Most of them are firstborns, just as I am. Did I unconsciously choose to associate with those who might have like-minded personalities? Who can say?

If we do find ourselves drawn to certain people, are first impressions really as important as they seem to be or is that an illusion? We try to be the best version of who we are when we first meet someone in a social context, at an interview, etc. Is this a lie? Have we presented ourselves as other than we are in order to make someone like us only to show our true colors later? A true friend is someone that you can be yourself around, bad and good, and you can say anything you like without repercussion. Wouldn't it be better to just show your true colors at the outset and save yourself the time and trouble? It's why some people say that you should live with someone in order to really get to know them. Perhaps this is because one simply cannot keep up the "first impression" persona 24/7. This happens in all relationships, when the mask begins to slip, and as most people would say, the honeymoon period is over.

As for me, I like moving past the honeymoon period. I'd rather have that first fight and know that the friendship can weather it. That which does not kill you makes you stronger and I believe that's true of friendships. As friends, we never take vows to see each other through sickness and health, through good times and bad, etc, but I think we create those bonds through our experiences. It's those moments that we share that strengthen our friendships and the fights and the bad times are part of it. Finding that elusive friendship that allows you to say anything you want and act as silly or as stupid as possible is a magical thing and no illusion.

Until then, perhaps the first impression is a necessary lie. Thank you, Neptune.

I Get By With A Little Help...

JUPITER IN AQUARIUS
Jupiter's expansive nature in a friendly sign of Aquarius. This should make us more open to making new friends and welcoming people into our lives. Since Aquarius is also a sign of wishes and hopes, this might also be a good time to wish upon a star. I know Jiminy Cricket would be proud of you if you did.

With Aquarius being the sign of friends, I look at the people around me. Having been in theatre, I've traveled through many different circles of friends. There have been a few from each show that I've kept in touch with (mostly through Facebook), but are these really friends or acquaintances? What's the difference? Someone I know used to joke that it wasn't a true friendship unless it was officialized by Friendster (then MySpace and now Facebook). Yet, let's look at textbook definitions.

From Dictionary.com:

friend

a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

ac⋅quaint⋅ance

a person known to one, but usually not a close friend.

Okay, so an acquaintance is friend-like, but not as close. Great. Who didn't know that already? Still, many of those I've met on my travels have been friends - we've shared experiences, and anyone who's been in theatre will quickly tell you that it's quite an intense, and often emotional, experience. Those who share such an experience (and don't end up hating each other by the end of it) are usually considered friends. Or would you say that they are cowokers? Colleagues? Where does the line get drawn?

I would say that the levels by which we define our relationships are indicated by how inextricably connected we are to the person and how much we are willing to share with them. I'm not going to share certain parts of my life with my coworkers the way that I share them with friends. Working up from acquaintances to friends is descending into the lower levels of my polluted stream of consciousness. You're going to learn much more about my hopes, my fears, my dreams, my guilty pleasures, my pet peeves, etc. You know, the sort of thing you ask on a first date or a college application.

Of course, in any new experience, we gravitate towards certain people and inevitably, form a clique. Clique has such a negative connotation, but let's call a spade a spade, right? Thing is, have you ever noticed that once you are a given role in a clique, it's very difficult to break out of that role? Look at your friends. Which one are you? Are you the hub; the one who everyone calls to find out what's going on? Don't get this confused with the decision-maker; when everyone's trying to decide what to do and throwing out options, finally, one person steps up and takes the reins. The decision-maker usually tells the hub and that's how the word gets out. Are you the quiet one; the one who sits and observes, rarely contributing, but when you do, everyone listens because what you have to say has power? Are you the drama queen (and just admit it if you are)? Are you the busy one; the one who everyone else's schedule has to work around? Are you the fringe; the one on the sidelines who shows up every so often and contributes and is part of the group, but no one expects you to be there every time? The dependable one? The smart one? There are many categories. If you're not sure, go check Facebook. I'm sure there's one of those picture quizzes that will tell you what your friends think of you.

It may change from clique to clique. In some groups, I'm second in command; there whenever the hub is gone to take up the slack and keep the group going. Others, I'm social director: I plan the events for when everybody comes together. Sometimes, I'm fringe. Sometimes, I'm smart. Sometimes, I'm the Phoebe (odd, but lovable). It all depends on the group of people. However, whenever I get together with a group where I'm the social chair, I have to plan. When I'm with a group where I'm the Phoebe, I'm expected to come out with odd knowledge. It's just the role you play. We are a mask-wearing society. That doesn't make the friendships any less powerful.

All relationships change over time. A true friend is someone whose changes complement your own. That's a rare thing to find, but once you have, it's a role you won't ever mind fulfilling.

Take Jupiter's energy and go make a new friend!