Casey Feldman: In Loving Memory

MARS AND VENUS IN THE 8TH HOUSE
Both the planet of passion (Mars) and the planet of beauty (Venus) lie in the Eighth House, the house of regeneration, death, and rebirth. There will be change, especially with regard to relationships or passionate endeavors. Perhaps you'll be changing idea of what you want.

Unfortunately, this is a rather negative post. Upon exploring my Facebook, I saw a post that one of my former students had joined the group: In Loving Memory of Casey Feldman. Completely shocked, I immediately went to the group, but since it was a locked group, I requested admittance and headed over to her page where I found a number of RIP messages from her friends. I checked the pages of other students and saw posts and pictures in her honor. Determined to find out what happened, I Googled her name and came across one article that finally told me that she was hit by a vehicle while crossing the street in a crosswalk. She was rushed to the hospital where she passed five hours later. There is also a Fordham blog in her honor.

I realize that there are many who did not have the pleasure of knowing this young woman. Casey was a former student of mine who I directed in my high school's production of The Laramie Project back in 2004. She was a bright, vivacious girl who went on to work in journalism. Working with her made me laugh. She had an infectious smile and incredible enthusiasm for the work. She showed wonderful promise when I worked with her and though she was never able to realize her full potential, she made fabulous progress before she left us.

I am devastated to experience my second loss of a friend almost within a year. My roommate was killed the same way last year. Although death is a change, it is an incredibly radical change and extremely hard to deal with when it's so personal. And so young. Jen was taken from us at 29; Casey, at 21. One of the hardest things is watching others go through the same thing. Seeing them deal with death at such a young age is heartwrenching. No one knows what to say when something like this happens. Nor would I, given the same situation.

One friend offered this: Some people are meant to sit under the stars and some are meant to be them. My Casey's star burn bright and watch over all of us.

I wish to send all love and warmth to those who deal with deaths in their own lives and especially to the family and friend of Casey Feldman. My heart grieves with you.

Health Education

SATURN IN THE 1RST HOUSE
Saturn, planet of health, sits in the 1rst House, the house of self. People will be focusing more on themselves with regard to their diet, exercise, and overall health. Especially with the influence of Virgo.

Health is a recent issue for me due to the class I took this week. This is large part of why I've been blogless this week. I know, you've been desolate without new Sign In Ink to read, but it's been a long week, trust me. A large part of that was because of my Teaching Health for Special Education Students class. This has to be the most depressing class I've ever had the misfortune to attend. Of course it's a required class! No one would take it otherwise.

It takes me back to middle school, when they first started teaching health, especially sex education. It lacks the incredible awkwardness of those first years of learning about sex from a gym teacher, but I'll be damned if it doesn't make up for it in story after story involving injury or death. The class is only a week long, so they're clearly trying to shove as much insanity into these 2.5 hour classes and they succeed. Fortunately, the teacher is a very nice and somewhat humorous older man who has a lighthearted attitude about his age and a somewhat feminist outlook on life.

We began with child abuse. I learned all about the horrendous things that can happen to a child and what to do if I should encounter or suspect it. The laws are extremely strict regarding the treatment of children. I am all for the protection of children, but did we have to go through and detail the countless ways that a parent or guardian can harm a child? Really, I didn't need to know what "sock burns" are. (If you really want to know, it involves scalding water.) The class has gone downhill from there.

We moved on to school violence. As if child abuse wasn't bad enough, let's talk about when the danger comes from inside the school. Children, parents, and strangers have been known to bring in weaponry, putting each attendee in jeopardy. It's a terrifying prospect. My professor was quick to reassure us that most of us would not encounter something like that, but now that he's declared that, it's fairly certain that I'm going to be one of those teachers. Beyond the gun issue, school violence also traverses the wild world of bullying.

Day three brought the most tumultuous subject: sexual education. Of course, it involves none of the joys; just the possible effects (STD and pregnancy) and how to prevent them. Ah, yes. There's nothing like American education to take all the pleasure out of sexual education.

Yesterday, we began forays into drugs, or as my professor likes to call it, "Better Living Through Chemistry." This time, there were none of the fun details to make us go, "Oooh." It was just a brief overview of the kinds of drugs and the ways that they enter our bodies. Of course, our professor was kind enough not to gloss over physical effects that could be detrimental. For someone who tends to have MSS (Medical Student Syndrome), that is NOT a good thing.

Monday, the last class will delve into nutrition. At this rate, the class will be exploring all eating disorders and the ways that food can negatively affect us. I know I can't wait.

I'm sure everyone is jealous that they don't get to take this class with me. If you really want to know how it feels, on Monday, June 22nd, from 430-7pm EST, just go back in your mind to your 6th grade health class. Remember sitting there with all of the other students, listening to a middle-aged teacher who usually forces you into dodgeball on rainy days, showing you the most revolting pictures they can find to scare you away from drugs and sex.

This is worse.

There Will Be Blood

1RST HALF
All of the planets, save Saturn, rest in the first houses of the zodiac, commonly ruled by Aries through Virgo. Currently, Capricorn through Gemini have usurped the usual rulers and taken over. The first half of the zodiac is commonly associated with the self, the individual's world. The 1rst House is especially self-associated. Yet, the planets in the first two houses are in retrograde. This would suggest that there's a warped sense of self going on and I can honestly say that I'm experiencing that today. Especially when it's the farther planet, Pluto, sitting in the 1rst House. Saturn, meanwhile, sits in the 8th House, the house of death, while traversing Virgo, the sign of health. An interesting combination. Perhaps that twist is what is affecting the introspection that accompanies a full first half.

Warning: Oddly dark thoughts ahead.

Blood. It's so powerful. So primal. So frightening. There is something about blood that is hypnotic and repulsive at the same time. The deep maroon river, coursing through our bodies to the heart current. It carries nutrients, drugs, disease, DNA. It oozes, pools, spurts, streams. It pulses and engorges. And it lightens to scarlet at the first taste of air. It is animalistic. Its presence may signify salvation or destruction.

Creatures are associated with blood: the hematophagytes. Leech, bat, mosquito. They feed on it. Vampire, of myth, is most easily identified as one who drinks blood. As Spike (vampire) says in Buffy, the Vampire Slayer, "Blood is life [...] Why d'you think we eat it?"

It is the wine to accompany a carnivore's meal of choice.

Blood has religious significance. The Red Sea turned to blood. The transubstantiation of Jesus Christ. It has been used for decoration in Aboriginal rituals. It is a vital part of sacrifices from many religions.

The blood thundering in your ears. First blood of a fight. First blood of a maiden. Blood-ties. Blood-relatives. Signing a contract in blood. The significance of blood shows up in many ways throughout our lives.

I can't honestly say what prompted me to write this particular blog, unless one considers that I watched the season premiere of True Blood last evening and took a class examining child abuse and school violence this afternoon. There is so much hurting that happens in this world. People just seem so eager for it. Are we, at our basest natures, such fighters that when angered, we crave a way to affect the blood in someone else the way ours has been heated? To cause their blood to boil, to pool, and in extreme cases, to splatter. "Spilling blood" makes it sound like an accident, doesn't it? "Oops, I spilled your blood. Well, no use crying over spilled blood..." I wonder what it is within us that creates such an impulse. Is it instinct? Is it survival? I choose to think that we have evolved beyond that. Then why have we created such weaponry as to spill the blood of not just one person, but many within a very short time? There is such capacity for harm, for hurt, for hatred. Is this part of what it means to be human?

Is the killing instinct really an instinct anymore? Animals kill to survive. Humans rarely do. We kill for sport, for game, for fun. We kill in the name of our country, our god, our people. And the blood spills. To what end? What good is it to have the intelligence that we profess to have when it seems that animals cherish life far more than we do? I do not understand.

Perhaps the British phrase "Bloody Hell" is more literal than we thought.

Death Watch

SUN IN THE EIGHTH HOUSE
Change is inevitable. With the sun in the 8th House, the house of regeneration. Scorpio, the sign of death and natural ruler of the 8th House is on the horizon. That combination shows this to be a time of change, when one chapter ends and another begins. A new plot line opens.

Apparently, I'm a death junkie. I spent yesterday watching the entire first season of True Blood while unpacking. The writing is highly clever and the writers clearly know their vampire lore. And not just the traditional mythos associated with vampires (garlic, holy water, crucifixes, etc), they are out to reference almost anything, including Buffy, Blade, and Anne Rice. Every time someone introduces a new vampire world, they have their own twist on the traditional knowledge. Anne Rice did it with Interview With A Vampire, Joss Whedon did it with Buffy, and now, Charlaine Harris has done with the books that are the base for this new television series.

Still, there's quite another element to this series. True Blood is not ashamed to emphasize the vamp in vampire, nor the suck in bloodsucking. Of course, there's a natural eroticism to the vampire world - always has been. This series puts it right out there in your face. In this series, you can literally flirt with disaster, and many people do. It's part of the subculture.

Still, flirting with disaster seems to be my whole fascination as far as television is concerned. Taking note of my media interests, the list includes dead and undead in various forms: Buffy, Angel, Six Feet Under, Dead Like Me, Dexter, and now, True Blood. Not that every show I watch has an element of death to it. After all, Ugly Betty is bright and campy. Still there is a fascination with the trappings of death, including that which happens after death and the possibilities of undead life.

There is fear involved. It's terrifying to think that our slice of life is so minuscule when compared with the expansive timeline we've created to make sense of the world. Perhaps that's why we take comfort in the idea of immortality. However, considering immortality as a realistic concept, it is highly probably that living forever, even an undead life, would be fantastically boring. Still, it's wonderful to think of furthering life, regardless of the darker stage in which such a drama might play out.

The vampire is a fabulous creature associated with death and sex. In fact, one might consider it a Scorpio's dream creature. It is powerful, intense, erotic, and dangerous. There's something fascinating about such creatures and we're drawn to them with, dare I say it, unholy attraction. Death is terrifying and intense and powerful in its unknowability and I have no doubt that there will be many more media forays into its uncharted lands.

I say bring it on.

Memorial Day With A Twist

ARIES IN THE 4TH HOUSE
Aries, the sign of new beginnings sits in the 4th House, the house of home, of belonging. Time for spring cleaning, for making the home a place for you to live comfortably in again. It's time to revamp and get rid of the old. Packrats, beware!

This is a continuation of the previous post: Memories. After all, I did tell you that a cleanse was just around the corner.

Checking Facebook today (yes, I'm addicted...don't judge), I saw so many status updates about spring cleaning that I sat up and took notice (okay, i didn't actually sit up; it's a turn of phrase - if you keep interrupting, we're never going to get through this). I didn't actually get to do spring cleaning of my own, and believe me, I have quite a bit of cleaning to do. That's tomorrow's project. Still, if you're anything like me (and i certainly hope you're not), you're a packrat who keeps many things out of sentimentality. There's no practical purpose for them. The hard part of cleaning my room is that everything has a memory attached such that it takes forever to clean even the smallest corner of the room. I suspect that's what led to the rush of memory-oriented status updates on the old FB.

In the same vein, while I was addressing wedding invitations (don't go getting excited; they're for a friend), I threw on an VHS tape with shows taped from the 1990's. Wow. Not only did I see Buffy episodes from season 3 (Faith rocks), but there were commercials that I'd forgotten existed. Like Sean Hayes in a Doritos commercial! So random. Granted, this has no sentimentality, but it certainly takes me back to a simpler time in life. No, wait - I was in senior year of high school. It was highly complicated. Why did I want to go back there?

Cleansing is a ritual of life and we need the routine cleaning in order to make a new space for our creation. In a way, we cause death within our own lives in order to bring about new life. It's extremely hard to throw out that old sweater that you wore on your first date back in middle school, but unless it still fits (and boy, i hope it doesn't), get rid of it so that someone else may wear it to their first majorly awkward date. Don't worry, there'll be other sweaters and other awkward first dates. The memory of that first date is going to far outlast the sweater anyway, and really, isn't that the point?

Tomorrow, I create a small death in my own life. I'm getting ready to move and I have to get rid of a number of items so that I move with more simplicity. I already know that as soon as I begin to pack, I'll shake my head in wonderment at the amount of crap that I've accumulated while I was in this apartment. You don't realize it until you have to put it all into boxes. Should be an interesting exercise.

And so the cleaning begins.

Cruella DeVil Lives

URANUS IN PISCES
Pisces, sign of secrets and self-delusions, plays host to Uranus, the planet of originality and eccentricity. What an odd combination, especially to sit in the 8th House, the house of regeneration and death. We'll see some interesting changes that apply behind the scenes. Secrets are being formed that will affect the odd sensitivities of the people around us if they're let out.

As per the May Blogathon, tomorrow, I will be exchanging guests posts with one of the other wonderful Blogathoners, Sara Lancaster, who writes a blog called No. 2 Pen. I hope everyone will be excited to hear what she has to say and stop by her blog to learn more!

In less positive news, I read this in the NY Metro today:
Jail time for hurt dog
A Queens woman was given 30 days in jail after she pleaded guilty to animal cruelty. Sonia Perez, 21, shoved her hurt poodle into a bag and threw it into a garbage can. The dog, which had broken ribs, died a day later.

WTF?!

There are so many things wrong with this blurb that I don't even know where to begin. Let's start with the fact that the dog was hurt in the first place. Do I really want to know why? With the rest of the information as circumstantial indicators, one can only imagine what was done to the dog to break his/her ribs. And then, to throw the dog into a bag?! What...how...why...I can't even begin to wrap my mind around that line of thinking. A dog isn't trash. It's not like it was a free gift with purchase that you just didn't want. How long did this dog live with this woman before this? And, oh, don't kill the dog before you throw it in the trash can. As cruel as that sounds, it would have at least been moderately merciful compared to what actually occurred. The dog is already in pain, and one's first thought is, "Oh, I should bag this and toss it with the other garbage. But no, let's keep it alive so that it suffers to full extent."

This incenses me. I have always had a soft spot for animals (Moon-in-Pisces). In fact, when I see movies, if there's an animal in danger, I end up worrying more about the animal than the humans involved. Probably because I know the humans can take care of themselves or at least have a modicum of understanding regarding the situation they've found themselves in. The animals are usually blameless and left to fend for themselves in circumstances created by the people around them.

This poor dog was already injured and left to die by what I can only consider his/her human companion. Had this been a human who Ms. Perez treated this way, the sentence would be far greater. Of course, the laws are highly protective of people; more so than they are of animals, and I can hardly dispute that. Still, life is life, is it not? And treating life as contemptuously as was done in this instance deserves a punishment of stronger caliber than 30 days in jail. This was a murder. To make it easier on us readers, the Metro writer was kind enough to refer to the dog as an "it." Margaret Atwood explores this phenomenon:

I'll take care of it, Luke said. And because he said it instead of her, I knew he meant kill. That is what you have to do before you kill, I thought. You have to create an it, where none was before. You do that first, in your head, and then you make it real. So that's how they do it, I thought. (The Handmaid's Tale)

Animals have souls and hearts and minds just as we do. As living creatures, we should have a better respect such things. I understand that death must occur so that more life can come forth. I know that even the simple process of eating brings about death in some form, be it animal or plant. These are necessary deaths.

The death of this dog was not.

I came across a few sites for those who want to learn more about animal cruelty and what's being done to stop it: the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals: ASPCA, Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Intentional: SPCA, Humane Society of the United States: HSUS, the Society for the Protection of Animals Abroad: SPANA.

Remembering Jen

THREE IN THE EIGHTH HOUSE
There are three planets (Venus, Mars, and Uranus) in the Eighth House, the house of regeneration and death. The Eighth House brings about change. It's the death of something old and opens a new chapter in life. This is especially focused in the relationship area due to the influence of Venus and Mars. Uranus lends a certain new angle to these changes. Shared by Pisces and Aries, we're especially seeing strong change as we end one chapter and begin a new one, possibly even a new book.

Death is a terrifying prospect to most people. Reading Tarot cards on a cruise ship (hey, don't judge), everyone said the same thing: "I just hope that I don't pull the Death card." Yet, the Death card does not signify physical death. It denotes the end of a section of life. Perhaps a new hobby will be taken up. Perhaps a move is in the works. There are many ways that life can change and that's what death is: a huge change.

Still, death is hard to deal with and for some reason, it seems to be everywhere. On a personal note, a year ago, my roommate was killed in an accident. There is nothing so surreal as getting a phone call that tells you that someone who has been a part of your life is no longer there in physical form. She was a beautiful spirit who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. There are many times when I wonder why. What possible purpose could it be to have someone vanish from life? I think death is one of the major reasons that people search for answers and comfort. Religion is a powerful source of these for many people. Metaphysical studies are yet another. When something like this happens, though, it's hard to find anything that makes it make sense.

Since then, I've noticed death much more in my life, even in celebrity form. Bea Arthur, Dom Deluise...it seems that we lose more and more everyday. Yet, this is all a part of life. It's a change. Everything must die so that more can live. Doesn't always make it easier when it happens, but it's a hard truth. Change is necessary and death is one of the biggest changes that we go through.

There are many directions that I can take a post regarding death, but for today, I think it's best to say that you are dearly missed, Jen. You're still with us.