Sunday, May 3, 2009

Friend-Lies

NEPTUNE IN AQUARIUS
Planet of illusion in the sign of hopes and wishes. Now is a time to explore our ideals and aspirations. Applying the wishes our of lives to reality and making the different choices that will lead us past our illusions. This is a very hopeful time in our lives, something we definitely need with the harsh realities of today. It's also a time to explore the illusions surrounding our friendships and discovering why we became friends with certain people in the first place.

Born under the sign of Aquarius? Find out what that means here.

Before beginning today's discussion, I want to let everyone know that I have joined the May Blogathon, started by Michelle Rafter. I pledge to blog every day!

What draws us towards certain people vs others? Why do we seek out friendships with specific people? It seems that we look for people who have similar ideas and ideals to ours. We tend to measure intelligence this way. The more someone agrees with us, the more intelligent they seem to be in our eyes, right? It's interesting the way we make that a measure of intelligence. Not always, of course. There is an objective measure of intelligence, which we call an IQ test, but less and less faith is being placed in this test. Common interests and views play a large part in who we choose to associate with.

One of the major commonalities that may be an unconscious choice is birth order. There are numerous books on birth order, one of which is written by Kevin Leman. After reading this book, I looked around at most of my friends and guess what? Most of them are firstborns, just as I am. Did I unconsciously choose to associate with those who might have like-minded personalities? Who can say?

If we do find ourselves drawn to certain people, are first impressions really as important as they seem to be or is that an illusion? We try to be the best version of who we are when we first meet someone in a social context, at an interview, etc. Is this a lie? Have we presented ourselves as other than we are in order to make someone like us only to show our true colors later? A true friend is someone that you can be yourself around, bad and good, and you can say anything you like without repercussion. Wouldn't it be better to just show your true colors at the outset and save yourself the time and trouble? It's why some people say that you should live with someone in order to really get to know them. Perhaps this is because one simply cannot keep up the "first impression" persona 24/7. This happens in all relationships, when the mask begins to slip, and as most people would say, the honeymoon period is over.

As for me, I like moving past the honeymoon period. I'd rather have that first fight and know that the friendship can weather it. That which does not kill you makes you stronger and I believe that's true of friendships. As friends, we never take vows to see each other through sickness and health, through good times and bad, etc, but I think we create those bonds through our experiences. It's those moments that we share that strengthen our friendships and the fights and the bad times are part of it. Finding that elusive friendship that allows you to say anything you want and act as silly or as stupid as possible is a magical thing and no illusion.

Until then, perhaps the first impression is a necessary lie. Thank you, Neptune.

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